good eats g

ok childrens gather round grampa omaly and have a seat and enjoy the treat of a true story. as many of you know me and weaz own a vending business on the side. last saturday, as we have done several weekends in a row, we headed down to his pop's warehouse to work on the machines. as soon as we get started things are going smoothly; weaz had yet to lose any tools, i had yet to injure myself (i would later drop a ratchet extender on my face, no kidn), and we were actually able to get shit done without running to home depot. the copacetic beginning to our day should have been a sign of our impending doom. simple math tells us that if you add omaly, weaz, power tools, 800 pound vending machines and forklifts, some gnarly shit is hapnin one way or the other. enter the forklift...

after a productive couple hours there came a time upon which weaz and omaly needed to join forces and battle one evil machine in order to put the finishing touches on our little pepsi-vending picasso. it immediately became clear that we suffered from a vertical deficiency, at which point weaz proffered (yes that's a real word) two suggestions to combat this issue. first he suggested a step ladder, a boring but in hindsight much less destructive choice. second, a forklift with a pallet, thereby introducing fully mechanized, weaz-lifting kung fu action to our evil scheme. the decision to introduce needless heavy machinery was unanimous, and weaz went off to procure said forklift whilst i continued working. enter the sweet chaos...

i was abruptly interrupted from my work by a loud crash at the delivery door. i look over and see the forklift not quite through the door being showered by apparently dirty water. the instantaneous absurdity of the situation made me stand in utter disbelief for a moment before i realize oh shit there's water coming in. turns out weaz had the lift too high, and thus knocked out the pipe that ran over the door. after several seconds weaz has the good sense to back out, abandon ship and look for a shutoff valve. i quickly realize that any further inaction will result in water running through the factory so i grab a broom and do my best to sweep out the awesome power that was the river weaz. as weaz was looking for the valve and i am sweeping out enough water to make noah himself shit his little ark-building pants, sandy by chance walked to my end of the warehouse and with a casual tone asked where weaz wuz. after giving her a look of "why aren't you running for your life?" i try my best to calmy tell her that he is probably outside, perhaps parting the red sea. as it turns out she was calm as a zen panda smoking pot because she thought it was raining. sandy, for the record, if you ever see that much water coming through a hole that small again, grab some animals and build a boat cuz the wrath of god is upon yo ass. moving on...

as it turns out the pipe was for a safety sprinkler which when turned on (or demolished) automatically alerts the fire
department. within a few minutes they had the situation under control. poor weaz looked like he tripped and fell inside a cow's ass, who knows how long that water had been sitting in that pipe. after all was said and done we made it out alive without having to find two of every animal and we returned to work, but not before i laughed my ass off. it was SUHWEEET. tune in next week when weaz and i take a forklift to the lake for some good old forklift fishin'.

the lakers defeated the spurs in six games to advance to the western finals agains the t-wolves. at this point my laker jinx is over as my viewing of game five did not result in a loss, but rather a miraculous shot by d-fish with four tenths of a second left. that's right, less than half a second. if you didn't see it catch it here.

well kiddo's we had a great run from everybody, but mau was the shaq of the peso and dominated the MVR contest. i got some other honorable mentions n shit but mau has at least a sixer of black n tans coming his way. i'll be out of pesoland tomorrow as i'm headed to vegas for the weekend to party with a certain someone so you kiddos behave. here's a blackjack game to celebrate the occasion.

in other news congrats to myke and tina on their recent engagement, you crazy kids will make awesome married people and i'm glad my compa found himself a jackpot. can't wait for the wedding, let's celebrate before too cuz there is no such thing as too much patron.

reader mail, including one from the administrator of irishpeso...

fun with faces.

strongbad.

online church hacked by satan.

imaginary girlfriends.

gnarly skateboard game.

i'm salsa picante bitch

happy cinco de mayo my lil pesolitos. hope you childrens have something nice and mexican planned for today. i for one will slurp down some corona's at a cinco de beavo celebration. for those of you readers who are not quite sure where america's favorite mexican holiday comes from, i have a brief description from mau, the peso's very own resident mexican:

"Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico... But as we know...the great ship did not make it to New York...The ship hit an iceberg and sank...and the cargo was forever lost... The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery....were disconsolate at the loss... Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning which they still observe to this day... The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th... and is known...of course...as Sinko de Mayo."

sad times indeed. ok actually good old dub-five celebrates a victory over the french army at the battle of pueblo. when you think about it a victory over the french is nothing to really celebrate but if it gives me an excuse to grill meat and drink beer i'm game. here's the full official history. also the retarded ass month of april is over.

well kiddos we've had a great run but the official irishpeso most valuable reader contest comes to a close this friday. as of now mau has a cozy lead but it's still anybody's game. for those of you kiddo's who still have some damage to do i'll go ahead and take submissions through the weekend, and i'll announce the winners next week. ok enough farting around let's get to los clickos. some new aim goodies too.

this guy has way too much time on his hands.

i give you the king of dorks.

mr picasso head. here's the one i did.

kickass kill bill game.

i'm sure this really hurt but it's still ridiculously funny. video.

here's another video not for the faint of heart.

in honor of cinco de mayo we're gonna have selma hayek be our hottie of the week. she can cinco my mayo any time. right that doesn't really make sense. NUMMAY