reader mail. send it along to jose at irishpeso dot com.

p-town shoutout

the omaly got a new reader mail from one of the OG high school homies, none other than linh. linh writes:

Sup mac!

I'm at work, and thought I would pop in and say hi. My co-workers like
your site.. keeps us entertain. I'm sadden that I'm not in the race
though I'm the o'maly's number 1 fan. Oh well... maybe next year.

Hope you're doing well Ben.

Talk to you later.

Linh

thanks for the email! as always thanks for reading the peso and extra super size thanks for spreading the peso joy to the coworkers, we here at omaly are always glad to entertain the bored workforce. while you did not win the peso MVR contest, you do hold the record for most times going to the bathroom at buffalo inn, and that's not an award we take lightly. we still owe binh a round of buffalo so let's hook it up.

piss off wanker

i recently got an email from "the irishpeso team" with the subject "Notify about your e-mail account utilization." i thought i would share the absurdity.

Dear user of Irishpeso.com,

Our main mailing server will be temporary unavaible for next two days,
to continue receiving mail in these days you have to configure our free
auto-forwarding service.

Advanced details can be found in attached file.

Sincerely,
The Irishpeso.com team
http://www.irishpeso.com

dear apparent non-reader of irishpeso.com,

a quick glance at even one page of this quaint little corner of the web should reveal that this is a privately owned and maintained website, in fact owned and maintained by me. your main mailing server has nothing do to with my site and i sure as hell would know if i had a "team" helping me with my own damn website, and if i did, they sure as hell would not need to send me an anonymous email that lacks even basic proper grammar. if i did have a team and we did have email issues, someone would probably just say "hey ben, we're gonna have some email ish, just FYI" to which i would reply "ok." no need to drag binary information into the discussion, let alone an email attachment that does god knows what. with that, please take your subpar grammar skills and malicious emails elsewhere. feel free to autoforward this reply to everyone on your spam list. thank you and piss off.

sincerely,

the real slim shady of the peso
www.kissmyass.com

he's muh special boi

before he left the rosy took the time to send us another reader mail. hurry back my little wassabe. the rosy writes:

Dear Mr. O'Maly,

Your awe-inspiring information has been an informative
source of awe and inspiration for this international
rock superstar. I am inspired with awe when I consider
that your information will be available to me all the
way across the Pacific. I can only be filled with
information as I ponder the fact that I, a lowly
international rock super star, served as the
inspiration for a whole new O'Maly awesome holiday.

And finally, let me beseech the Rising Sun to lend me
assistance in relieving you of your most honorable
yen. I raise, bitch!

The Rosy

Nekowa nihon-jin doko desuka?
(Where is the cat of Japanese descent?)

thanks for the email the rosy. we here at omaly pride ourselves on delivering awe-inspiring awe and inspiration to international rock superstars like yourself while absconding from redundant phrasing that repeats itself. if i can save only one rockstar from a life of fame, fortune, fame and endless women my work is not in vain. thank you for being the inspiration behind what will prove to be a national holiday. at least in japan. also it's good to see that you will be able to procure a cat immediately upon your arrival. as for the relief of my yen, as always you gave a commendable effort. unfortunately for you and the japanese economy i went ahead and tripled my buy-in. i'm the rick james of poker, bitch!

the rosy returns

here's another email from the rosy.

Dear O'Maly,

What are peso pointss? How can I earn them? Is this some gay AIM thing?

Rosy

thanks for the email the rosy. being the brilliant little peso-hed that i am i came up with the idea of a reader interactive blog that would further a spirit of community amongst my devoted readers (all 5 of them). with this in mind i extended an invitation for my readers to offer their own submissions of the funny, absurd, etc. peso points are the standard by which the submissions are judged and the progress for each childrens is measured. while aim can certainly be used to earn points it is by no means the only way, as is evidenced by the variety of reader submissions. at the end of the contest in may i will reward the reader with the most points, probably with lots of beer or something. of course you will be in japan at that time so if you win the most valuable reader contest you will unfortunately forfeit your prize and owe me 1 million u.s. dollars. once again i am forced to hate the rosy because he gets to go to japan to play the drums and make lots of money and love japanese style. i'll get you austin powers...

greetings from indiana

our latest reader submission comes all the way from jena in indiana. she writes:

hiloo

well your site is interesting. it feels like a club or something. hehe

so yea. i'm from indiana. its okay here i suppose. i live in northwest indiana... an
hour from chicago, il. so we're not even really considered hoosiers... thats more of
a southern indiana hick thing. haha i live in whats called "the region." but not
for long cause next yr. i'll be in west lafyette, IN @ Purdue university. then who
knows. hopefully getting married and moving far away. haha now all i have to do is
find a new guy... i used to think i was going to go to college in california. but
then i realized that was just a dream of mine. but hopefully i'm going to visit this
summer when i graduate. okay, bye everyone. listen to led zeppelin b/c i love them.
and sublime too because they are my fave as well and they're from long beach, ca and
they like puppies! hehe (i'm not as ditzy as i may come across. at least i don't
think so, ask omaly he might have a different opinion. hehe)

thanks for the email and welcome to the peso. as always we here at omaly are happy to extend our audience to other states, hick or non-hick are all welcome. best of luck with the future endeavors and feel free to visit any time because let's face it the omaly won't be heading to indiana any time soon. i hope you find a new guy soon, you can probably get one on sale or something. we here at the peso do consider ourselves to be a club, if not a secret society, our mission being to conquer the world through absurdity and the internet. so far all we've managed to do is waste time but this is an important first step. in any case keep rocking the zep and reading the peso.

he work hard for the peso...

we have some new reader mail from mike in burbank, long time reader/contributer, first time writer. anyhoots mike writes:

Dear Jose O'Malley,

We all understand the immense strain that it puts on you to update the Irish
Peso two, even three times in the same year. Have you ever considered
outsourcing the rigorous technical demands to low-wage workers in India or
Malaysia?

Sincerely
OSHA

thanks for the email dude. as you are obviously aware maintaining a website of this scope and intensity is quite a strain on the old joser. when you factor in the insane amount of work i do during the day it's a small miracle that i even know what the internet is at all. while outsourcing makes sense on paper, in the long run it can only hurt good, honest, hardworking american people. the peso has always and will always be proudly made in america. thank you and godsfeet.

i just about pissed my pants

i got this email from rosy, apparently after he had enjoyed a drink or ten. this is not exactly a reader mail, it has nothing to do with the peso nor was it even sent to jose. it is however, one of the funniest things i have ever read, email or otherwise, hence it must be shared. enjoy childrens.

Danger! This email will make no sense, and have numerous typos. I am NOT going to spell check, or even look at the monitor as I am typing. Good luck, and Godsfeet.


Dear The Ben,

I am excessively drunk. This is becauase I received a bottle of Cabernet DSavingon WITH MY NAME ON IT as A christmas present for a session I did a couple of weeks ago. That's right, Rosy wine. Also, after 11 winning sessions in a row, I lost 100 bucks at the Gardens tis afternoon. 11 out of 12 is not bad though.

Dear The Ben,

It is now 11:17 m. I just got your message. I would love to attend the wonderous mystery that is Table 95. But, there may be a problem. I might have a gig, but I won't know until Thursday, because the contracter is a jackass. Speaking of jackasses, I heard you played a gig with my roommate last Sunday. That guy can play his ass off. Also, I heard you missed most of the rehearsssal.

Dear The Ben,

I might have a gig on Ffriday. But at worst, it'll be done by misdnight. That means I can cruise over to your place, and take advantage of your drunk ass. Also, maybe I can defeat you at no limit Omaha late in the morning. And take advantage of your drunk ass. I would bring wine to celebrate, but there won't be any left. BRB, gotta full my glass.


Dear The Ben,

I am reading Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky. That is a VERY difficult name to try to spell when you're drunk. This is on account of my new girl. I hate her, because she is more well read than I am. She used the words dispensationalist, and monolithic correctly in the same conversation. I told her, "Baby, I'm used to being the smart one in elationships, so you're going to have to tone down the language a bit." She laughed, but I wasn't really joking.


Dear The Ben,

Please reply to this email so I can read it tomorrow. Also, send me ddirections. I'll be coming up the 210. Peace, love and sunshine . . .

Rosy

dear the rosy, thank you for the best email ever. i wish more people took the time to get hammered off their buns and write people amusingly superfluous emails with enough typos to make a special ed class sigh in disbelief. also this correspondence marked the first time anyone has wished me "godsfeet." i did in fact play a gig with your roommate, and he did in fact play his ass off. i give him more credit for his diplomacy. i missed the entire rehearsal as arriving late prevented me from setting up. if you arrive late to poker, it won't be the first time you have taken advantage of me, or vice versa. this time i hope you don't get pregnant. congrats on the new dame, she sounds like just the smart tart to put you in your place. any chick that can use the term "monolithic" is a keeper.

fanta-stic thoughts

we have another offering to the mail bag from mike up in lathrop. mike writes:

Dear Mr. O'Maly,

(RE: Deep thoughts on Fanta, Nov, 2003) Not to be outdone, but Pepsi is also
giving away chances of getting a free one. Unfortunately, the chances of free
caffine are slightly lower, being one in six instead of one in four, but it is
still another $1.25 I don't have to scrounge for. While my grades in math were
significantly lower than my other marks, your explanation was concise and
understandable. To wit, I purchased a 20-oz. bottle of aforementioned beverage
with a "winning" cap; exactly six beverages later I unscrewed the cap which
contained the same coupon-esque message.

After a quick bout with the calculator, I discovered that if I were to drink a
bottle of Pepsi six days a week, I would be getting one free dose per week,
which, economically speaking, converts into $65 per year. Extend that to a
lifetime (say, 50 years) and I have a whopping $3,250 not spent on soft-drinks.
This, of course, is strict mathematical probability and excludes extenuating
circumstances, the greatest of which is the cessation of the promotion. Still,
I'm right on probability schedule.

Thank you, Mr. O'Maly, I am,

Michael Reeves

thanks for the email mike, as always we here at omaly appreciate any feedback, particularly on our scientifically oriented articles. i was pleased to hear that my intrepid beverage endeavors caught on with a loyal member of my vast reader audience who took it upon himself to further the experiment in the name of science and the peso. i was pleased to hear that your results were in line with what probability predicted. also the idea of a free pepsi on the lord's day is hard to beat spiritually speaking. stealing pepsi during the day of rest is not recommended.

on a side note, if the historical development of the consumer price index can be used as a reference to roughly estimate the future development of prices, the $3,250 you save on pepsi will be represent just under 500 bucks of purchasing power 50 years from now. that's still a lot of pepsi though.

p.s. kick niko in the "nuts"

korean shoutout

our latest reader mail comes from todd all the way from korea. todd writes:

Whatup dude? This is Todd. Just wanted say hello, and I enjoyed your
website. I got a kick out of the ebay link that you had in October.
You were right about the Fanta girls, whew! Anyway, I think I've
waisted enough of your time. Talk with you later.

'sup foo. good to hear from you again and thanks for the email. oddly enough you have stumbled upon the bread and butter of my typical workday, ebay and the fanta girls. as for wasting time, that is a concept that we here at omaly embrace with open arms and we are glad you could be a part of it. hope korea is kicking ass for you but the socal homies will be here when you decide to move here. also when you do make it out i wanna drive your trans am.

you can see a pic of todd here in the friends section. he is the dude on the far right with a wallet that says bad mother...

inquiring penguins want to know

our latest and most in-depth to date reader mail comes from penguin. she writes:

dear o'maly,

i am concerned about my online integrity. why is it that someone i don't
even know can warn me on instant messenger, and set my warning percentage
off? to my friends and family, seeing a warning level of say 20%, appears as
though i was harassing someone to provoke the warning. even more
disconcerting is the fact that one can be warned, even after they have
signed off, therefore ruining their reputation without them even knowing!!

it seems as though our society has taken something good (a warning to a
genuine online annoyer) and once again abused this priviledge to amuse
themselves. omaly, what are your thoughts on this topic? what do you
suggest? i am also interested to hear your opinions on the possibility of a
straight guy working at the gap, the recall election, and the freshness of
bottled lemon juice.

inquiring penguin

thanks for the email! we here at omaly are sad to hear about your online messaging woes. i, for one, would never inflict such a trite yet annoying virtual injury to someone's online entity. if you find out who the offender was please let someone know, my people are looking into it. my suggestion is to go take a dump in the shower. that always helps me relax. for some reason it seems to be a source of angst for my roommate. moving on...

i have a few thoughts regarding your other questions. as for straight guys working at the gap, i am not one to profile a person based on their place of employment. having said that, i buy my khakis for 17 bucks from a military surplus store that also sells canteens, camoflauge gear, and large hunting knives. as for the recall election, i say shaq for governer; i think the biggest issue when electing a new leader for our state is to be able to tell people "my governer is bigger than yours" and being able to back it up. according to greenguide.com, bottled lemon juice has been heated to make it shelf stable. it will last longer than a fresh lemon, but will not taste the same, so i guess it all depends on your meaning of "fresh." on a side note, i think i need to combine the words "shelf" and "stable" and coin the term "shelfable." instead of using it for lemon juice, we should use it in the context of a dude or dame that someone thinks is good long term relationship material. for example:

"dude, that chick has a nice set of lemons..."

"yeah, but is she shelfable?"

or:

"wow tammy you found a great guy. he's so sweet and what a cutie!"

"thanks bridgette. yeah he is definitely shelfable. oh and you wouldn't believe the size of his website..."

lego my ego

we have an email from myke regarding the lego website that referrenced an escher drawing. myke writes:

"The technique here is to use Technic 1/2 pins sticking into 1x1 Technic beams. The
head of the pin protrudes sideways (= upwards in this picture) and can be used as a
LEGO stud to plug into the bottom of a brick. The bench itself is a 1x4 brick with
studs on the side."

I had no idea that Legos had such technical terms behind it. For the love of
Allah, I could never build a decent goddamn spaceship.

myke73

thanks for the email! if it's any consolation i was not aware of a formal system of nomenclature in place for legos. then again, if someone took the time to translate the bible into klingon, we are talking about a piss in the ocean here. on a side note, in my glory days of lego prowess, i actually constructed a handgun with a working slide and magazine using a bunch of parts and the two lego springs i had. i even made bullets out of the little round blocks. it only held one "shot", but you could pull the slide back, it would click open allowing you to insert the bullet. pushing the bullet down into the magazine allowed the slide to move back to the forward position thereby closing the chamber. if you pulled the slide back while the gun was loaded, the bullet would eject and the slide would remain back, ready for the next bullet. it didn't have a trigger cuz i didn't want anyone to get shot. l.s. was pretty young at the time.

i flunked geography

our latest email comes all the way from the hottest chick in chicago, illinois. that's right baby, omaly is international. anyway, mallow writes:

My neighborhood is lacking in the interesting department, which is why I'd like to say thank you to O'maly for his kick ass website. ChiTown news has been boring lately so I'm thinking Cali should send some of their gubernatorial (yes, that was a 10 dollar word from the journalist) antics my way. I doubt that will happen, so back to the website.

As an out-of-town fan of the O'Maly, I'd just like to say that he is the funniest person I know on the West Coast. Props to the sweet sound of the recent MP3 post. I know a few producers if you're interested. :-) Although I was a little offended that I did not make the top 10 hottie list, I have continued to be a loyal reader. I'd also like to add that I have done numbers 9, 8 and 1 on the fun with public transportation list. Take it from me, sitting on the lap of a 300 pd, scruffy Bears fan on the parking lot shuttle bus is a definite no-no. :-/

* Mallow

thanks for the email! as always we here at the omaly web are happy to bring top-notch entertainment to states that don't have porn starts running for governer. it should also be noted that mallow is ahead of me in the public transportation game, although to my credit i am waiting for the weather to cool down before i hop into a bunny suit (or should that be a "punny" suit...). i think my next list will be "top 10 reasons to not sit on a football fan." also once again i apologize but friends/family of the omaly are not eligible for the top 10 hottie list, at least until i get the guts to fire my lawyer. easier said than done, he's a 300 pound bears fan. go lakers.

i'll kick you in the ace

we got some new mail. this one comes from ace, from glendora, ca. ace writes:

Bro - that is hiiiiiiilllllaarrrrious!
diggin it. Can I be on your star page?

thanks for the email! i'm glad you liked it, and by like it i mean liked it enough to send me a picture of the business end of the ace, which can be found here. the ace is the best guitar player ever (except of course for eddie halen van) and he was nice enough to let the omaly spend a world record 3000 consecutive friday nights on his front porch. way to take one for the team.

dodgeball at the carwash

we finally have an email from the one and only el cerrito, from oceanside, he writes:

SWEET, I JUST GOT DONE Looking at the site. that shit is tight. i was playing the dodge ball, i won! and my car got a 89 on that car rating. sweet dude

still have to call that chick from the carwash, i will keep an eye or two on her.

lil shit

thanks for the email, i'm glad his shit-ness approves, and congrats on the dodge ball victory. his car is faster than mine and has a louder stereo, but he is nice enough to follow me if we happen to be caravaning. it should also be noted that he is a force with the ladies. in the time it took me to get some soap on the omaly mobile he had already reeled in the honey from the next stall over. ladies if you're interested, that's nice, take a number.

flies and satan and infinite honeys...

our latest email comes from rosy, from bellflower:

Mr. O'Maly, I'm truly stunned at the wealth of information you provide to
the public. Is there a monthly subscription charge? If so, what is the
easiest way to pay it frequently? I loved the games (nabbed 138 flies) and
the Hall of AIM almost makes me want to get AIM myself. If AOL weren't a
subsidiary of Satan, I would do so instantly.

I am enclosing a pre-release publicity shot of me with one of my main
honeys. Yeah, Mya's that hot in person. I don't know whether it should be
posted in the babes or bros section; I'll leave that to your infinte wisdom.

P.S. I'm the one on the left.

Rockstar in B-Town

thanks for the email. while i have not yet achieved deity status in the realm of internet free time, i would like to think that i am doing my part by clogging up the internet with ever more useless information, while also passing my readers along to the finest assortment of absurdity the information superhighway has to offer. while i don't charge a subscription fee (an international treaty between ireland and mexico prevents this) i of course always accept donations to further my cause. <subliminal message alert> give me money. on a personal note, i hate rosy. he is better at the fly game than me and he scored a hottie.

mr. anderson...

omaly 2003

omaly has some new mail today, and it's local. mau from los angeles writes:

Dear o'maly

I hear your running for gov'na of California. Where do you stand on the
issues?

Mau

thank you for your email, mau, and also thank you for your interest in my political campaign. as with any well developed campaign the particulars and details are rather involved so it helps to have a well rounded, demographically appealing catch phrase that sums up your views in a nutshell. here's mine: i don't give a shit just cut my taxes. it may seem like a dense and impenetrable statement, but with a little research i'm sure you will get it. thanks and happy voting.

a perfect gentleman

in a weird twist of fate the lathrop community represents again with another reader email. this one comes from a fine chap named myke73. he writes:

As a long-time friend of Mr. O'Maly, I must say that he has absolutely outdone himself with his editorial regarding the perceptions that women have of men.

To add a quasi thought of my own: this is exactly what women do - just throw out some observation they have of men but never stop to think of why they (we) are this way.

Many men will extend their undying gratitude to you, Mr. O'Maly, for uncovering the truth - to wit, the method of the seeming madness - and enlightening a frightfully darkened world.

Well spoken and engaging, my dear sir.

Deeply obliged, I am,

myke73

thanks for the email! myke73 is of course referring to the entertaining little gem men vs women that was posted. while our top priority here at omaly is humor for the masses, we take great pride in serving the community by offering amusing yet insightful material that enlightens the human situation.

yes she's hot, but she's taken

the omaly community was overjoyed to have received our very first reader response. our inaugural letter comes from tina from lathrop, cali. tina writes:

=( Hey I didn't make the top Ten! Not even the top ten poker pals! ( woops, there wasn't one was there?)
hmmm the Lakers... ok, on to the next....

thanks tina! unfortunately for legal reasons family and friends of the omaly are not eligible for nomination to the top 10. i will follow that by saying that all of my friends are cool and they all have good taste in women, so if you happen to be the girlfriend/wife of one of my friends you can be sure you are not only a gangsta of coolness but also a hottie as well.

tina resides in the northern region of california, which brought about the unfortunate side effect of not liking the lakers. she is a fan of the local basketball team up there, but i forget who they are. in any case thanks for the email, i'll be sure to say hi to shaq for you.